How did I end up in Billings? That’s honestly a question I’ve been asking myself over a thousand times since I got here. It’s not that I don’t like Billings or Montana or the people I’ve met here, or the work CLDI is doing. On the contrary, it’s just that I’m still trying to figure out how I, Sarah Beth Woodrow, should be here when I was trying so hard to stay in Chattanooga.
In my first week of being here, a good friend of mine sent me an email reminding me of the sovereign leading of a Wise, Good Shepherd. That thought has stuck with me on days when I start to doubt and wonder if maybe I didn’t quite hear God right, or when I feel far away from friends and family and the familiarity of a place that has grown close to my heart, or when I am confronted with my “finitude” and worst of all when I worry about my insufficiency to love well, both God and the people He puts in my life.
In a nutshell, those are the reasons I shouldn’t be here. Left to myself, I shouldn’t be here. And yet, here I am. So, here’s my story. There are a lot of moving pieces and it’s somewhat hard to follow but these confirmations of God’s leading remind me that it was God who brought me here and not I and in knowing that I can rest assured that “He will fulfill His good purpose for my life” and use me and grow me for His glory, however that looks like.
Doors Closing
Spring Semester I was dead set that God wanted me to stay in Chattanooga, it just seemed to make sense and every graduate I talked to kept telling me that the most important thing needed post-grad was good community. Of course, that meant Chattanooga. I had found my “niche,” I was getting involved in a local church and I knew a lot of my friends who would be staying in the area, plus I had some solid housing options.
Finding a job in Chattanooga was another story. I didn’t anticipate how challenging it would be. I kept being told that I should stop trying to find a job I loved and just be satisfied with making ends meet. Only weeks before graduation, I was accepted at a housecleaning business and was about to say “yes”, knowing if I didn’t have a job lined up before graduation I would have to decline a few housing offers from some friends. For whatever strange, frustrating reason my Dad encouraged me to hold off, believing God had something better in store for me. He also told me that if nothing panned out for me in Chattanooga that I needed to be open to go wherever, even if that meant moving to Wyoming to be near my Aunt and Uncle. I was adamant that that would not be neccessary. But after lots of praying and wresting with God, I turned down the housecleaning option, which also meant I had to turn down my housing offers.
During this time I had offhandedly and months past the deadline thrown in an application for a summer job at school, simply as a back up. The supervisor at school was waiting for a response from me and gave me a deadline. Timing was tricky here because I was also in the process of a fairly long job application for an insurance company, Unum.
I thought the interview with Unum went horribly. I kept talking about “helping people” (a phrase on their webpage I decided I would try to use) and my interviewer basically scoffed at me, “How is working for insurance helping people? How is this job helping people?” When I asked what his reasons were for working at Unum, he had no satisfying response. Right after my interview I went to Habitat to drop off a grant. The moment I walked in, I remember thinking, “This is the type of work and environment that I what I want to be a part of!” I went home and once again wrestled long and hard with God about this.
Since I didn’t feel my interview with Unum went well and I wasn’t hearing back from them, I went ahead and told the school I would stay on for the summer. Two days later, I received an email from a place I had applied to months back and never heard back from, asking about my availability to work. Later that same day, I received another call...from Unum. If I hadn’t already made a commitment, I probably would have said yes to the job offer. The doors to Chattanooga were closing in bizarre ways.
In my first week of being here, a good friend of mine sent me an email reminding me of the sovereign leading of a Wise, Good Shepherd. That thought has stuck with me on days when I start to doubt and wonder if maybe I didn’t quite hear God right, or when I feel far away from friends and family and the familiarity of a place that has grown close to my heart, or when I am confronted with my “finitude” and worst of all when I worry about my insufficiency to love well, both God and the people He puts in my life.
In a nutshell, those are the reasons I shouldn’t be here. Left to myself, I shouldn’t be here. And yet, here I am. So, here’s my story. There are a lot of moving pieces and it’s somewhat hard to follow but these confirmations of God’s leading remind me that it was God who brought me here and not I and in knowing that I can rest assured that “He will fulfill His good purpose for my life” and use me and grow me for His glory, however that looks like.
Doors Closing
Spring Semester I was dead set that God wanted me to stay in Chattanooga, it just seemed to make sense and every graduate I talked to kept telling me that the most important thing needed post-grad was good community. Of course, that meant Chattanooga. I had found my “niche,” I was getting involved in a local church and I knew a lot of my friends who would be staying in the area, plus I had some solid housing options.
Finding a job in Chattanooga was another story. I didn’t anticipate how challenging it would be. I kept being told that I should stop trying to find a job I loved and just be satisfied with making ends meet. Only weeks before graduation, I was accepted at a housecleaning business and was about to say “yes”, knowing if I didn’t have a job lined up before graduation I would have to decline a few housing offers from some friends. For whatever strange, frustrating reason my Dad encouraged me to hold off, believing God had something better in store for me. He also told me that if nothing panned out for me in Chattanooga that I needed to be open to go wherever, even if that meant moving to Wyoming to be near my Aunt and Uncle. I was adamant that that would not be neccessary. But after lots of praying and wresting with God, I turned down the housecleaning option, which also meant I had to turn down my housing offers.
During this time I had offhandedly and months past the deadline thrown in an application for a summer job at school, simply as a back up. The supervisor at school was waiting for a response from me and gave me a deadline. Timing was tricky here because I was also in the process of a fairly long job application for an insurance company, Unum.
I thought the interview with Unum went horribly. I kept talking about “helping people” (a phrase on their webpage I decided I would try to use) and my interviewer basically scoffed at me, “How is working for insurance helping people? How is this job helping people?” When I asked what his reasons were for working at Unum, he had no satisfying response. Right after my interview I went to Habitat to drop off a grant. The moment I walked in, I remember thinking, “This is the type of work and environment that I what I want to be a part of!” I went home and once again wrestled long and hard with God about this.
Since I didn’t feel my interview with Unum went well and I wasn’t hearing back from them, I went ahead and told the school I would stay on for the summer. Two days later, I received an email from a place I had applied to months back and never heard back from, asking about my availability to work. Later that same day, I received another call...from Unum. If I hadn’t already made a commitment, I probably would have said yes to the job offer. The doors to Chattanooga were closing in bizarre ways.