The first weeks here were rough. I couldn't quite put into words why I was having such a hard time. But I just was. I didn't understand why in the world I had to be displaced, right when I was finally finding my "niche". My job at CLDI felt so ambiguous and I felt so very inadequate, apprehensive and out of my comfort zone. Eventually, my internship director approached me and encouraged me to take a week to really fast and pray about my being here and where I might be better used and feel the most satisfied. He read to me I John 5:14, "This is the confidence that we have before Him that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us." Pray boldly, he told me.
That week I had to attend the Montana Non Profit Association Conference. That week I got sick. "Great," I thought. "This will definitely confirm that I made a huge mistake and totally heard God wrong and I'm not supposed to be here or doing this role." That week was humbling, gloriously reassuring. I wonder if God had to really show me He was speaking and working by forcing me to realize my finitude. And that despite my finitude, God still works and uses us in our frailty. The conference confirmed to me how much I wanted to be involved in the Non Profit world and how much I wanted to tell others about Katapheugo. I was reminded of my reasons for coming to Billings in the first place.
That week I was also reading about Joshua and how God called Joshua to do a great, bold task. "Be strong, be courageous!" He told him. "For I am with you." I was also reading about Abraham. God called him to a far off place, to leave everything he knew and loved behind. Abraham had be fully obedient and committed to where God led him. "I've not been 100% dedicated to where God has placed me..." was the piercing conviction. So much of me was hesitant, resistant and left behind in Chattanooga. But I'm not in Chattanooga. If I truly believe God has led me to where I am now, then I needed to throw my entire self into being faithful to where He has called me.
I met with my internship director and told him I wanted to keep pressing on....but with a whole new perspective and attitude, And I am so grateful. Grateful God is kind and patient toward His ever doubting, frail children; grateful that He is the Good Shepherd; grateful for how He chooses to reveal Himself; and grateful for a boss who pushed me toward these gospel truths .
That week I had to attend the Montana Non Profit Association Conference. That week I got sick. "Great," I thought. "This will definitely confirm that I made a huge mistake and totally heard God wrong and I'm not supposed to be here or doing this role." That week was humbling, gloriously reassuring. I wonder if God had to really show me He was speaking and working by forcing me to realize my finitude. And that despite my finitude, God still works and uses us in our frailty. The conference confirmed to me how much I wanted to be involved in the Non Profit world and how much I wanted to tell others about Katapheugo. I was reminded of my reasons for coming to Billings in the first place.
That week I was also reading about Joshua and how God called Joshua to do a great, bold task. "Be strong, be courageous!" He told him. "For I am with you." I was also reading about Abraham. God called him to a far off place, to leave everything he knew and loved behind. Abraham had be fully obedient and committed to where God led him. "I've not been 100% dedicated to where God has placed me..." was the piercing conviction. So much of me was hesitant, resistant and left behind in Chattanooga. But I'm not in Chattanooga. If I truly believe God has led me to where I am now, then I needed to throw my entire self into being faithful to where He has called me.
I met with my internship director and told him I wanted to keep pressing on....but with a whole new perspective and attitude, And I am so grateful. Grateful God is kind and patient toward His ever doubting, frail children; grateful that He is the Good Shepherd; grateful for how He chooses to reveal Himself; and grateful for a boss who pushed me toward these gospel truths .